Picking up from Woodstein, Minhaj called Trump the “liar-in-chief.”
Then he told these wickedly amusing jokes, tallied by USA Today:
1. “I would say it was an honor to be here, but that would be an alternative fact. It is not. No one wanted to do this, so of course it lands in the hands of an immigrant. It’s how it always goes down. No one wanted this gig — no one. Don Rickles died just so you wouldn’t ask him to do this gig, alright. R.I.P. to Don Rickles, the only Donald with skin thick enough to take a joke like that. R.I.P. to the legend.”
2. “We gotta address the elephant that’s not in the room. The leader of our country is not here, and that’s because he lives in Moscow. It’s a very long flight. It’d be hard for Vlad to make it…As for the other guy, I think he’s in Pennsylvania ’cause he can’t take a joke.”
3. “You know Donald Trump doesn’t drink, right? Does not touch alcohol which is oddly respectable, but think about that. That means every statement, every interview, every tweet: completely sober… He tweets at 3 a.m. sober. Who is tweeting at 3 a.m. sober? Donald Trump because it’s 10 a.m. in Russia. Those are business hours.”
4. “It’s almost 11 p.m. right now. In four hours, Donald Trump will be tweeting about how bad Nicki Minaj bombed at this dinner and he’ll be doing it completely sober.”
5. “Tonight is about defending the first amendment and the free press and I am truly honored to be here even though all of Hollywood pulled out now that King Joffrey is president and it feels like the ‘Red Wedding’ in here.”
I can’t imagine why Trump decided to skip this. Really, it’s just more of the same BS from a media that isn’t really media anymore, it’s just low grade “entertainment.” Nothing makes for a better evening than having dinner with a room full of people who openly hate you and do everything in their power to stop you no matter what you do. I wouldn’t go either. Why bother?